Merrin is grateful that she's behind him when the question hits her with all the grace of a herd of bantha. Her face falls for a moment, only, before she steels herself again and hums thoughtfully as she cups some of the warm water in her hands to wet Cal's hair.
"It is not so easy to say. We were never just one thing in the five years after you found me on this world. We were -- not enemies, never enemies -- but I saw you as an invader to begin. I had been told lies about the Jedi, but it was not long before your actions forced me to reconsider what I thought I knew."
She rubs the bar of soap between her hands as she talks, and once she's gotten enough lather she starts working her fingers into Cal's tangled hair, scratching lightly along his scalp as she goes and sorting the tangles out as gently as she can. It's clear the Empire hadn't given him an excess of time to look after himself, but she's grateful for the time it affords her now. She can choose her words carefully, letting the care she takes with him speak when she cannot.
"You became my family, and my dearest friend, over the years that followed, but we spent some time apart. I needed to see the galaxy on my own terms, and you did not wish to put down your fight even for an instant. We had just found one another again before you were taken."
She hesitates, takes a breath. Works out another nonexistent tangle, because she doesn't want to stop touching Cal and she doesn't want to say anything that will make him feel the loss of his memory more acutely.
She owes him honesty, though. She drops her hands with a small sigh only to rest them on his shoulders as she delivers the words that break her heart all over again.
"We were -- together, the night before you were betrayed, but we never got the chance to learn what that relationship would have looked like. I would never expect you to pick back up where we stopped, if you cannot remember. My feelings for you are what they are, and they have remained unchanged even in your absence. We can start over again."
no subject
"It is not so easy to say. We were never just one thing in the five years after you found me on this world. We were -- not enemies, never enemies -- but I saw you as an invader to begin. I had been told lies about the Jedi, but it was not long before your actions forced me to reconsider what I thought I knew."
She rubs the bar of soap between her hands as she talks, and once she's gotten enough lather she starts working her fingers into Cal's tangled hair, scratching lightly along his scalp as she goes and sorting the tangles out as gently as she can. It's clear the Empire hadn't given him an excess of time to look after himself, but she's grateful for the time it affords her now. She can choose her words carefully, letting the care she takes with him speak when she cannot.
"You became my family, and my dearest friend, over the years that followed, but we spent some time apart. I needed to see the galaxy on my own terms, and you did not wish to put down your fight even for an instant. We had just found one another again before you were taken."
She hesitates, takes a breath. Works out another nonexistent tangle, because she doesn't want to stop touching Cal and she doesn't want to say anything that will make him feel the loss of his memory more acutely.
She owes him honesty, though. She drops her hands with a small sigh only to rest them on his shoulders as she delivers the words that break her heart all over again.
"We were -- together, the night before you were betrayed, but we never got the chance to learn what that relationship would have looked like. I would never expect you to pick back up where we stopped, if you cannot remember. My feelings for you are what they are, and they have remained unchanged even in your absence. We can start over again."